The Photo Journal began as a prayer journal over the summer of 2021 while I worked in Central Oregon. It continues now as a series to be shared.
Observe the photo for a bit, then read the words below. If you’d like to hear it read by me, watch the video below and consider it some more. Or watch first, then read, or watch and read along. It’s for you to experience in your own way.
Confession July 31, 2021, Saturday
Zubin asked me why I became a Christian. Love, I said. I didn’t love myself and I couldn’t understand why anyone else would love me. I told him that God loves me.
People sat by the beer taps chatting and people climbed the colorful holds on the slanted walls in their own separate world. I watched them, up and down, across, and to the side. Sometimes the climber makes it to the top, sometimes they fall.
I tell my story differently every time. No one hears the same one. Sometimes the hand of God grips me. Sometimes I feel the call. Sometimes I find God, sometimes God finds me.
I’ve never told anyone that I don’t love myself. The confession released its power. Zubin told me he had struggled with loving himself too. He seemed like he needed to know at that moment that God loves him too. But I didn’t say anything.
Across from us, some guys hit a tiny orange ball back and forth over the little net on the table. My eyes followed the ball, one paddle to the other, away from me and back, and away again until it fell to the floor.